Comment It Please. Little Poem Like An Intro To Puzzle Game?

Hi! English language is not my native, so could you please read and comment this little poem?
It is an intro to our iPhone puzzle game. Does it sounds acceptable?
One ancient puzzle you will find,
The ice and snow will catch your mind.
The solution hides underneath the frost,
It could be found or it could be lost.
Keep your mind clear and don’t close your eyes.
If something sinks, something will rise.
Solve the conundrum of Frozen Lands!
The fate of the world is now in your hands…
and here is a link to puzzle game video if it helps:
bit.ly/fetrailer